In today’s polarized climate it can be hard to engage in meaningful conversations when we don’t initially see eye to eye.
So, for October's Big Question, we asked you: How do you have conversations when you disagree?
Here’s how you try to come to an understanding with the people in your life.
Jim - Manchester, NH: I think the conversations really have to have to start with kind of setting aside kind of your preconceived notions and not having the argument in your head before you even begin to talk… and listen to each other and have a have a civil conversation, let people finish their thoughts and you can disagree without being disagreeable.
Sandy - Goshen, NH: I have people in my family, and friends, who see the world very differently than I do. They're not ignorant people. They've thought about the world just as much as I have. But, oh my. Their views on many things are 180 degrees different than mine. We talk a lot, but we just don't go there with those big difficult topics, you know? For instance, we don't touch climate change, although the weather is a safe bet. Just stick with things that are not going to be hot-button issues with each other because we love each other. And the point is that if you love someone, it's imperative that you respect their intelligence and you work hard to see where they're coming from. Don't provoke arguments. You're never going to influence a person by telling them how to think or by viewing them from some kind of lofty, ‘I'm always right’ position that you've built for yourself. That's not going to work. Just love them.
Marie - Manchester, NH: I think sometimes when you speak with someone and you come up with the realization that you are disagreeing, my favorite phrase is: ‘I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.’ It kind of just stops the conversation without it getting too heated.
Michelle - Keene, NH: I find it actually really easy to talk to people that I disagree with, because there is something that I can find in common with every person I speak to, generally. Around here, It's how people feel about their family and friends. It's how people feel about living in New Hampshire. Online, I was having a large disagreement, a very uncomfortable disagreement, with somebody who feels politically very opposed to my political views. And we started talking about his volunteer work. And now occasionally we dip very gently into things we disagree about. But we start with the things that we respect about each other.
Kaleb - Chester, NH: I think of several things before I engage in a conversation involving challenging subjects. My first step is to assess the level of disagreement that I have with the other person. If I can tell it's a super stark contrast, one that may be fundamental with religious or moral beliefs, I'll usually just back off and not touch it, because it will probably have no effect in a casual conversation. If I can tell that it's not such a wide divide, I will ask more questions than make statements. With the information I gather, I'll decide how much more to ask. And in general, when I'm asking these questions, I'm trying to figure out how much of a common ground we have. If there's not a super wide divide, and it's something that I'm willing to relate [to] on some level, even if it's not something I believe, but it's an idea that I can entertain for the sake of a constructive conversation, I will try to put myself in the other person's shoes.
