I've wanted to come here for a long, long time - aside from being a history buff (and being part of a campaign), I missed my eighth grade trip to DC because my mom and I had stayed up late watching pro wrestling the night before and we overslept. So this one's for you, Mom!

I mostly wandered around the National Mall and surrounding areas, and only bumped into people 15 times gawking at the Washington Monument and other nearby landmarks. There was a group of protesters who had worked their protest into some kind of dance routine. Given my history with dancers, I kept my distance, but I did strike up a conversation with a guy who was also watching the dancers. "This is a new one, even for me, and I see this all the time," he said, a bit haughtily. "Where do you work in town?"

"I'm just visiting," I said, and he took a breath, expecting me to ask where he worked. I didn't, but he told me anyway. "I'm at State right now, but I could see myself at DHS down the road. That is, if I don't run for Congress first."

"Okay."

"I saw Secretary Rice last week," he carried on, enjoying an audience. "My boss, really."

"I saw a bowling ball with a skull in it last week," I replied, "but I don't work for it."

The people I do work for, though, are in DC, or at least some of them - Viva Bread has a small Washington office. I didn't get to meet Otis H. Basketry, our presidential candidate, as he was speaking in Madison, Wisconsin at the 14th Butter and Margarine Tasters Expo. The staffers I talked to said they had high hopes for the trip. "They're a natural constituency for us," said Greg, who was a senior adviser of some sort and had sent me an e-mail once about how to get campaign buttons. "We go together like... ready... bread and butter!" He said some in the campaign want to make the talking Parkay butter tub Otis's running mate but that it "wasn't a done deal." He also said "don't blog about this yet." Oops.

Now listening to: Leonard Nimoy, "If I Had A Hammer"

(Photo by merfam)

I was this close to asking the Viva Bread people if they needed a field organizer for the Outer Banks. This is totally excellent - reminds me a little of driving along the West Coast, only it's east. That's as profound a statement as I can make at this point, sorry.

First stop was Ocracoke Island, where I got to see the famous Ocracoke Ponies. A friend of mine back home is a huge fan of the website Cute Overload, and anytime she'd see a horse on TV or anything she'd yell "OMG PONIES!", which I couldn't stop saying over and over to the irritation of the other islandgoers.

Also stopped at the Graveyard of the Atlantic Museum, which has the best name ever. I spent a lot of time in the "Piracy Warfare" exhibit. "I thought I was a pirate the other day," I said to someone looking at the same information about Blackbeard as me, only forgetting to give the context. She looked ready to run for help. "But I was on the wrong cruise ship," I added (or maybe detracted, from the increasing panic in her eyes). "Just one of those days."

Finally, a quick stop at the Wright Brothers memorial, where I forced myself to not say anything ridiculous.

Must re-learn how to think!

Now listening to: Neko Case, "Deep Red Bells"

(Photo by Abby Goldstein)

Just got an e-mail from Hiro back in Seattle. His video game company is doing some new first person shooting game, and he's having it set at the Mendenhall Glacier in Alaska. Our accidental trip to Juneau achieves immortality!

Made a quick trip to the Georgia State Capitol, and drove past CNN Center. I could've sworn Nancy Grace gave me a dirty look, but it was bright so it might've been a lamppost or a robot or Harry the Hawk. Does she work in Atlanta or DC? I have no idea.

Every weather forecast said "perfect beach weather," so I made a beeline for the coast. This may have been my finest driving of the entire trip: no distractions, no missed turns, no driving off the road to investigate a Bigfoot sighting, nothing. Got into Myrtle Beach, set up a towel and a cooler, doused myself in sunscreen and set up my MP3 player to catch up on my StoryCorps podcast... and the sun went down in about ten minutes. About ten minutes after that I got hit by a wiffle ball thrown by a four year old. I handed it back to him; he instantly forgot I was there and tried to swing with his wiffle bat, smacking me again. Five minutes after that I got cold and packed up to find a hotel, which took a long time. "It's Myrtle Beach in July, son," said the clerk at the hotel where I finally got a room. "Lucky for you one of the expected guests fell off an elephant yesterday." I didn't ask for details, but if my future is dependent on the kindness of pachyderms I'm not sure how well the rest of this trip is gonna go.

Now listening to: Marvin Gaye, "What's Happening Brother"

(Photo by Sharkey M.)

Wasn't I just down in this part of the country? Well, yeah, but last night I dreamt that I couldn't remember if I'd been to Atlanta yet or not. And this dream confused the heck out of me to the point that I wasn't sure whether I'd really been to Atlanta or not. I spent about an hour calling friends and family to get an official ruling, which they didn't appreciate because I'm on Eastern time and they're back in California, three hours earlier. Dad's "Marcus, it's 3:41 in the morning" convinced me that I should just go there to make sure I'd been. So I drove more or less all day to Atlanta.

I did make one important stop, though, at Mammoth Cave, which was awesome and a little creepy at the same time. I'm not claustrophobic, but I was freaking a little down there, especially when the park guides turned the lights off in the area called "Grand Central Station" and it was pitch black. The tension was lightened slightly by a sketchy looking person who grabbed my shirt sleeve tight during lights out. Ick.

The road to Hot 'Lanta was long and trafficky, but when in doubt, tune into All Things Considered. They featured Bon Jovi today. In grade school we had a French foreign exchange student who was convinced Bon Jovi was the best band in the universe. "You like Bon Zhoveeeee?" he'd ask everyone, over and over. We didn't think to ask about anything else, I guess.

Got into Atlanta without much energy left, so I guess I'll do my exploring tomorrow. Ate dinner at Abdullah the Butcher's House of Ribs and Chinese Food, which is maybe even cooler than the sign at Harold's Chicken. Abdullah was a pro wrestler who was (in)famous for stabbing his opponents with forks. There's a photo of said stabbing right next to the silverware. "You think that's good," said one of the staff. "If Abdullah was here, he'd let you put a quarter in his forehead." The guy bled so much in his career that there are giant divots in his head! I wonder if Otis H. Basketry needs a running mate.

Now listening to: R.E.M., "Begin the Begin"

(Photo by slashchick)

Today was the first time I sat in traffic listening to a radio traffic report tell me I was in traffic - though I bet this isn't new for Chicago drivers. It gave me a chance to catch up on my Morning Edition, so there's always a silver lining, right? They had a story about a guy who let some DJ's name his kid for $100 in gas money, and it gave me an idea: my car doesn't have a name. Commenters, it's your call. I'll pick a name from your suggestions. You don't have to send $100 in gas money - though I won't stop you if you do.

Getting out of the traffic felt good, and the silver lining there was that I was ready for some good long driving. Stopped in Dayton, Ohio to see the Air Force Museum, where they have all sorts of historic planes. Air Force One was there - not the one from the movie, but the one that JFK flew in to Dallas (see, now I'm definitely in the conspiracy), which is the same one Nixon took to China. In one of the other areas there was a fighter plane you could go in and pretend to fly, so I got in line. The kid in front of me says, "You aren't gonna fit in there, I guarantee it." I think I was smaller than he was! If we'd been talking about the Apollo 15 module they had, then yeah, I might've gotten stuck (but because of clumsiness, not size). Needless to say, I didn't get stuck in the plane.

Made it to Cincinnati a little after dinner, so I took a dining cruise along the Ohio River. I must've read a sign wrong or something, because I thought it said you had to dress like a pirate to get on board. I found a bandana in my laundry and used my camera's lenscap as an eyepatch, only to find that no one else on the cruise was dressed like a pirate. Shiver me timbers.

Now listening to: The Who, "Athena"

(Photo by eoshea)

Yes, that is a guy chasing a chicken with an axe on the right - it's the logo for Harold's Chicken Shack, a restaurant chain in Chicagoland. I choose restaurants for logo and name more than menu or quality anyway, but I did like the food here - the fries, especially.

Good drive from Milwaukee - stopped in the suburbs along the way for a round of mini-golf in the basement of a funeral home. These folks clearly have a morbid sense of humor! One of the staffers offered to play with me - nice guy, but a much better player than I was. He didn't even get mad when I accidentally chopped the ball at a sign on the wall! I wonder if he bowls.

In Chicago proper I went up the Sears Tower, where my ears popped due to altitude. Problem is, they didn't quite come back until bedtime. The word "what?" was heard many times. Mostly I hung out at Navy Pier, where a billion things were going on at once and all of them were fun. I saw the stained glass museum, rode the Ferris wheel, Chicago Public Radio's headquarters, played some video games and ate plenty of food. There was a teachers' convention going on, so I'd see a lot of people with t-shirts or buttons on with teaching. "We're voting for our presidential endorsement today," a teacher told me. "What?" I asked - I could barely hear her, but she thought I was outraged that the union would endorse somebody. "We do this every election!" she said. "What?"

Then: Chicago-style pizza. I got so full I didn't need the Prius to get to the hotel. I bounced. Watched Goldfinger on cable while eating myself into oblivion. A nice feeling.

Now listening to: Carter Family, "Give Me Your Love And I'll Give You Mine"

(Photo by Antonio Vernon)

Summer in Milwaukee appears to mean one thing: street festivals. According to the city website there are about 890,000 such festivals going on each summer in the city. This weekend it's the annual Bastille Days Festival, which as you probably guessed, is held in observance of the French Bastille Day. We History of Disco majors remember July 12th less happily, though - it's the 29th anniversary of Disco Demolition Night in Chicago, which is not a happy occasion. We turned all music off for the day to encourage people to think about what a world without disco would be like.

Despite the dark shadow of Disco Demolition hanging over the world, I had a good time in Milwaukee. I mostly wandered around the street fair and ate way too much. What can I say, beignets are really good! I watched a couple of chefs do their thing onstage, and then saw a contortionist do things that looked highly painful. Maybe he held off on the beignets until after the show? There was a dance troupe too, but they looked suspiciously like the dance troupe I inadvertantly attacked in San Francisco so I stayed clear and laid off the cheese doodles.

Now listening to: nothing, in solemn observance Disco Demolition Night

(Photo by jesabele)

My friend RaeEllen back in California has been tracking my driving route and says she's going to make a quilt based on the trip. "I gotta warn you," she says, "this is gonna be one weird-shaped quilt." How does a quilter represent backing up, getting lost or driving backwards up a gravity hill? I guess we'll find out.

You can definitely see flood damage in Omaha, Des Moines and plenty of other spots along the Midwest. I'm more from wildfire country than flood country, but one counts one's blessings all the same. Speaking of which, I listening to a piece on The Story on KIOS about a woman living with ALS. I hereby dedicate this road trip to all those who can't come with me (though I bet those of you who don't like being attacked by Ren festers are secretly happy to be somewhere else)

To Minnesotans: "Minnesota Nice"??? How do you do it? Everyone here has been so nice to me. A cab driver who I met at a wedding (more in a sec) said there is a dark side: he says Minneapolis/St. Paul has one of the higher road rage levels in the country. Why? "You gotta let it out sometime."

I didn't have any issues with road rage - mine or someone else's - all I saw was a lot of Minnesota Nice. Checked out the Mall of America, where I bought three sports jerseys (including the Hiroshima Carp from Japanese baseball - yes!), seven magnets, a coffee mug, a book full of hotdish recipes, a stuffed cow, a jigsaw puzzle of (what else) the Mall of America and, inexplicably, a Hannah Montana wig.

Ended up outside the Mall's Chapel of Love, where I wound up taking part in a wedding. One of the groomsmen hadn't returned from a pizza mission to Sbarro and they needed an extra guy for the wedding (and, most importantly, for the photos). They provided the formalwear and a place to leave my newly acquired stuff, and I was in my first wedding! They had each member of the wedding party say something during the ceremony - I grabbed onto generalities and refused to let go. "It's so nice to see this man and this woman, known to their friends as... (I blanked out on their names immediately) a great couple. We're all so happy for you both. The happiness we all feel is so great for you... (again, blanked on the names) wonderful people, that words cannot express how happy we all are." They had the reception at the food court. The missing groomsman was there; the pizza hadn't agreed with him - or at least slice #6 hadn't - and he figured a root beer float at A&W would settle things down. "We can start in about ten minutes, I'll totally be ready by then," he said.

I headed over to St. Paul - how could I not, being a public radio fan? Ate dinner at Mickey's Diner, where the server was gushing about my day. "My gosh," she said, "a trip to the Mall and a wedding? And you drove in from Omaha to boot? You're just taking Minnesota by storm, there!"

Now listening to: Hüsker Dü, "Love Is All Around"

(Photo by BrianR)

Nothing gets a guy's mojo working again like spending a day on rollercoasters! In Kansas City that means heading to Worlds of Fun, which is chock full of coasters. I have more enthusiasm for coasters than experience - we went a couple times to places in Oregon, but because my family refused to drive south of Eureka, we missed all of California's big parks. I think I went on each of the coasters at least once, and Ripcord twice. The first time I went on with a mother and daughter from Liberty, Missouri, and when I saw the video of the flight afterwards they were laughing at me during the ride! Admittedly I turned a shade of pale green between the first drop and the second swing, but I was being a trooper about it.

Then time for quick trips into Kansas and Nebraska to say I'd been there, which were uneventful except for me trying to hang onto invisible safety bars every time I drove downhill.

Now listening to: Memphis Minnie, "Where Is My Good Man At"

(Photo by karendalziel)

After spending the last few days getting sleep of questionable quality, I CRASHED and woke up much later than I'd wanted to - the alarm was supposed to wake me at 6:30 but upon closer inspection was set to unplug itself at 9:91 pm. Nice job Marcus. When you need to sleep, you sleep, I guess.

Took a leisurely stroll through downtown St. Louis, where I saw the Arch. Because of the weather, the arch was swaying back and forth pretty noticeably up there - when one of the side doors to the viewing area slammed itself closed a couple people darted for the stairs. That's gotta be a bummer because it takes like an hour wait to get up there. (Speaking of weather: some folks here are definitely worried about the high level of the river, but so far the city's doing OK, with only a few things affected. As far as I can tell, anyway)

Then it was onto the Bowling Hall of Fame, which is now second in my heart only to the Potato Expo. You can bowl at the Bowling Hall of Fame - but if you're me, you're not allowed to bowl for the next 60 days due to an unfortunate incident. They have some wild bowling memorabilia at the Hall of Fame, including an illustration of the devil (or some demon, I don't remember) using a skull to bowl. When I got down to the level where the bowling lanes were, they had a set of really unusual bowling balls - there was one that looked like a big eyeball, a couple of psychedelic stripey ones, and then a clear one that had a skull in the middle. How was I to know they were for display only? I hit nine of ten pins ferociously in my first frame before getting a stern talking to for a crime I did commit but didn't mean to.

Now in Kansas City, after a quiet drive listening to The World. Hang onto your rabbits, from the sounds of things. Eek.

Now listening to: Cat Power, "The Moon"