After thousands of miles, state after state, successes and, um, "learning experiences," wisdom gained, innocence lost, it was time to wrap up the road trip of a lifetime and take my place in the grassroots of the Viva Bread Party and Otis H. Basketry's history-making campaign. That was the idea, but it had to wait until I could find my way out of the candlepin bowling marathon in Rutland, from which I woke up at 9:30 (first day of work was supposed to start at 8). Drove hard toward the highway until I realized I was still wearing my bowling shoes, so I had to drive back. The bowling alley gave me a trophy for playing "the most consecutive candlepin games in a row without drinking", isn't that cool?

Finally got to New Hampshire and training outside the State House at lunchtime, where all was immediately forgiven by the organizers. "Marcus, here's your canvassing partner," said Bill, the regional something or other. "He's from California, too... small world, huh? He just finished up an entertainment job for the summer and he'll be with us - or, actually, you, for the next few weeks. Craig? Are you around?"

Small world indeed - Craig walked over to Bill and me. He looked familiar to me and vice versa; he figured out who I was before the reverse could happen, and this turned out to be a bad thing.

"You," Craig bellowed, "you! Cheese doodle! CHEESE DOODLE!" Oh my God, it was the dancer I accidentally tripped up in San Francisco with a cheese doodle! I stammered out an apology, but it was drowned out by "CHEESE DOODLE! YOU'RE TOAST, CHEESE DOODLE!" He chased me down Main Street until I took refuge in a bathroom somewhere near Eagle Square for the next six hours. He was gone when I finally poked my head out. Headed to the store for snacks, and am now canvassing the state for maps of good hiding places.

Now listening to: Johnny Cash, "The Man Who Couldn't Cry"

(Photo by tschörda)

A pilgrimage to Rutland today - as a diehard fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, I had to visit the town where my favorite episode, Time Chasers, was filmed. They make a lot of jokes at the expense of the filmmakers and the Vermonters - jokes the MST people freely admit are unfair, but are funny nonetheless. I got to see the airport where the time-traveling planes take off and land, and the hotel where the characters "visit" in the "future," and I might have seen the school that doubles as the villainous CEO's headquarters. Ate a lot of soup here, though that wasn't in the movie.

Then I got into a monumental candlepin battle with a couple of the locals. We must've played a dozen games, each trying to outduel the others - too tired to keep bowling, but too proud to stop before the others. None of us know who won, by the way.

Now listening to: Joe Strummer, "Johnny Appleseed"

(Photo by VTscapes)

The forecast says rain mixed with rain followed by more rain - if I can't walk amongst the natural splendor of northern New England, I'll drive right through it. Which apparently takes twice as long as if I'd gone back south and driven a U shape around the area. It was worth the time, though - really pretty up here. I think I saw a moose but I might have just remembered the "Northern Exposure" rerun I caught on cable last night during my espresso-bean-fueled confusion. Stopped for pastries at a really good bakery in New Hampshire, and stopped at a dairy farm in Vermont that let me sample like 43 different kinds of cheeses. I was getting full off cheese samples and still they offered more. And since it was good, I tried more, and then bought like 12 bricks of cheese. Guess what my new coworkers will be getting as welcome presents on Saturday?

Now listening to: Joni Mitchell, "Amelia"

(Photo by druojajay)

More rain. Once the election is over I'm opening up an umbrella and raincoat company here.

A milestone: set foot (er, tire) in New Hampshire for the first time today! Caught just a little of New Hampshire Public Radio - I heard the beginning of an interview with the guy who wrote about being a waiter but lost the signal in Maine. Stopped at like four chocolate stores along the way, including the one that's home to Lenny the Chocolate Moose. Made a big mistake in eating a bag full of chocolate espresso beans and then having to wait for a lane at a candlepin bowling alley. Being on a major caffeine and sugar high is not an ideal state of mind when they turn on the cosmic bowling lights. At the moment my limbs move of their own accord from time to time; I can still speak, but once I get going the sentence just keeps going and going and it's almost impossible to finish unless someone interrupts me.

Now listening to: Nick Drake, "From the Morning"

(Photo by Sonya Carlson)

My obnoxious cousins tried to put one over on me today, but failed miserably. They, almost certainly aided and abetted by my uncle, gave my cell phone number to the local "morning zoo crew," who attempted to give me a patented "zoo crew wake up call" with loud sound effects and Barry Manilow music. Note that "local" here means local to them, back in California, where it was approximately 6:08 am. The call came to me in Connecticut, at 9:08 am local time. So the DJs are congratulating themselves for waking me up, until I point out that "I'm in Connecticut, on Eastern time. I've already had breakfast, done some laundry and listened to Morning Edition." I then heard a bike horn that sounded suspiciously like a swear word and the line went dead. Guess they'll have to go back to leaving long and ridiculous voice mails on my phone now.

Gloomy day - apparently it's been raining in most of New England for about 40 days and 40 nights, so driving was a little slower and brakier than usual. Good stop in Providence, RI, to see Nibbles, the world's largest bug. Let's hope the big frog statues in Connecticut don't figure out that there's a giant bug in Rhode Island, or they'll hop the border for a snack. (Don't think I don't know that all of you are shaking your heads at my dumb jokes!)

Boston was too rainy for a duck tour on the river, so I stuck with indoor stuff today, most notably the New England Aquarium and its penguins. You know how you can buy those videos that have a fishbowl on them and you just watch the fishbowl and it's very relaxing and hypnotic? Well, train a camera on penguins and make a DVD of that, it's a guaranteed million seller. Or at least a guaranteed one seller. I think I was there for like four hours.

Now listening to: Buffalo Tom, "Birdbrain"

(Photo by debaird)

If I say the words "hot sauce eating contest" to you, will you send me a psychic high-five? Or will you shake your head and wonder when I'll ever learn? Anyway.

I got up super-early to try avoiding city traffic, which was slightly successful in that there wasn't any traffic going the other way... oh well.

Spent most of the day in Bridgeport, checking out the creepiness at the P.T. Barnum Institute - also saw Barnum's statue and gravesite, as well as the grave of Barnum's most famous colleague, General Tom Thumb. Then, off to see the coolest bridge in the world - frogs sitting on spools of thread in Willimantic. Along the way I saw a sign that my tongue probably wishes I hadn't seen - "Hot Sauce Eating Contest," sponsored by one of the local restaurants. This is blistering, knee-buckling heat - it would've hurt less if the owner had punched me. I came in third out of seven; third prize means 5% off the bill. Since I'd ordered onion rings, I saved about 40 cents by searing the inside of my mouth. Yeah.

Now listening to: Emmylou Harris, "Jambalaya"

(Photo by ASurroca)

Ugh. Stuck in traffic for virtually the whole day - there was a sizable accident on the highway - and ended up back in New York City. And stayed in the exact same hotel room at the same hotel again. My life is a Mobius strip. I expect to get a new pickle barrel any day now.

Now listening to: Nena, "99 Luftballoons"

(Photo by JP Puerta)

Life Size Monopoly

We will be setting up a life-size game of Monopoly tomorrow in Atlantic City. Meet at Ventnor Avenue to play. Everyone welcome!

That web post was enough to get me over to Atlantic City for the day. Monopoly is a Franz family obsession - we've had family vacations that were dominated by Monopoly games. "How do you play real life Monopoly?" my mom asked, after I shared the exciting news. "I guess I'll find out," I answered.

I was expecting something along the lines of the giant Monopoly board back in California, but these folks were intending to use the entire city in a sort of hybrid between road race and geocaching - if you "bought" Marvin Gardens, you had to go there. In a way I'm lucky that my partner ("call me 'Kong,'" he said, from behind mirrored sunglasses and a faded t-shirt for actor Jeff Daniels - they actually have those?!?) and I only bought like two properties, because I kept getting lost and Kong kept insisting that we stop for energy drinks. "The mental edge - that's what you need to survive," he growled with a frequency that suggested more than a passing familiarity with the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List. After energy drink trip number seven I ducked out and sold our properties to the first person I could find - I'm not even sure they were in the game. On the plus side, I won $15 for finishing second prize in a beauty contest. (Just kidding.)

Now listening to: Poster Children, "He's My Star"

(Photo by iirraa)

The one thing I get hung up on in life is tying up loose ends, no matter how tenuous or loose the ends may be. I drove four hours out of my way to apologize to Mississippi John Hurt's gravesite, after all. So I knew it was time for me to do what I'd been dreading: head back to New York and explain to the hot dog guy outside Yankee Stadium that I'd ruined his life's work and sent his collection of Reggie Bars hurtling down Niagara Falls.

Long, long day of driving from Cleveland. Drove past Jacobs Field twice again, which is inexcusable but I'm so used to being in the far right lane that I kept forgetting it was Exit Only. I did stop for a break at a dairy farm in central Pennsylvania, where three goats were grazing on the roof. Then, back to the highway to sit in traffic on the way into NYC. Marketplace had a "Hot Jobs" story about a guy who does Jeep tours in Colorado, which sounded cool. Finally, back into the Bronx and to Yankee Stadium. No hot dog guy outside - no game, as the Yanks were in Boston, so I walked over to the storefront where he'd proudly handed me his Reggie Bar pickle barrel. It now read "Pipton's Electronics Hut." What? I knew I was on the right street, but the hot dog place was gone. I slipped inside to get closer to the truth.

"Didn't this used to be a hot dog stand?" I asked the clerk, who appeared ready to pass out from the agony of standing.

"I really don't know."

"Well, is this a new store?"

"I really don't know that either."

"How long have you worked here?"

"For a while. I used to work overnight stock at a kitchen store, but my coworkers turned on me for using oregano on my dinner."

"But the hot dog stand, wasn't it right - "

"I have to get emotional validation before using any kind of spice or condiment now. I can't use oregano at all. Too many painful memories."

My mind had been bent like that cardboard you find when all the wrapping paper is used up. Where was the hot dog guy? How had this store taken its place without anyone knowing? And how did I end up in a conversation about condiments with the electronics guy? And, of course:

"Do you need any Y-adapters?"

Am I now trapped in that weird para-reality in the movie "Field of Dreams" where the ghost of Burt Lancaster shows up to meet Kevin Costner? If so, does that mean I'm Kevin Costner? More spookiness at my hotel. I got the exact same room as when I stayed here the last time. I may be in deep trouble here.

Now playing: The Rolling Stones, "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

(Photo by peterkreder)

Everything's back to an even keel, so it's back on the road! This time we headed west to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, where I hoped to find out why disco is so underrepresented in the "500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll" list. Yes, "Le Freak" is on there, but where's Gloria Gaynor, especially seeing as how they found room for "Don't You Want Me" by the Human League?!? Sadly, the person at the front desk said "they made a list, that's how it worked." Ok then. But otherwise a good visit - how can you complain on getting to see a football jersey owned by one of The Eagles? No, really, I did have a good time.

Driving back to the hotel slightly problematic as I didn't realize I was in an "exit only" lane and wound up circling around Jacobs Field about seven times. I think I made my car dizzy.

Strange news coming from the Viva Bread people. The Massachusetts-based regional director was arrested for dumping yeast and flour in Boston Harbor, trying to turn it into a giant buttered roll. So the guy who was going to be my boss in New Hampshire is moving to Mass to take over the regional effort. They've hired a new field organizer but he/she won't start until I do, August 2nd. It's cool. No matter how esoteric the punch, I can roll with it.

Now listening to: Siouxsie and the Banshees, "The Staircase Mystery"

(Photo by Jason Pratt)