sfx: music, crowd
It's Saturday night, a little before 9.
The dance floor is nearly crowded.
A cluster of people is gathered around the table where drinks are served.
It could be any American wedding.
Except the drinks table offers only coffee, tea and juice.
Despite the limited drink selection Barb Citerman is enjoying herself.
Citerman is the mother of the groom.
When she found out her son and his finance wanted a dry wedding, she freaked.
T.32
1:24 ... I was shocked I was upset, I was like you are kidding. I was like you are kidding. You don't mean that. Then I was like ok, the wedding is going to be alcohol free, but the rehersal dinner that we are hosting we are going to have wine. And they were like, no the whole weekend will be alcohol free. I didn't quite get it.
Citerman immediately got on the phone to one of her oldest friends, Annalee Nisenholtz.
T.3
:24 Barb called me in a complete panic. And said what am I going to do, what are we going to do. What can I say to them? And I said, let's just breathe deep, and let's see if we can tackle this problem in a respectful, responsible way. Maybe they are testing you? Let's see how serious they are about it.
The bride's father Stephen Hester found out just how serious his daughter Megan was.
He remembers the exchange between Megan and her soon to be mother-in-law Barb.
T.32
8:20 ...Barb said, well, you know, people will just bring it in the car, and drink before they get out. And I told them it's against the law in NY to take alcohol out and I will report them if they do that...I was amazed at that. b/c thought it was rude. I thought my daughter was rude. Rather than saying, I am sorry you feel that way, this is important to us, to say I am going to report you to the police. Of course she wasn't going to report them to the police, I am sure Barb understood that as well as I do, but I thought that was coming on pretty strong.
Neither the groom Ty, nor the bride Megan drink.
It's not a moral stand.
It's not an experiment.
It's not because they are recovering alcoholics.
It's just something they don't do.
So they figured if alcohol isn't a part of their daily lives, why make it a part of something as revered as their wedding?
But the catch, obviously is that alcohol, or drinking, is a part of their guests daily lives, especially at parties.
Saturday night, before the dancing, a number of people made toasts to the newly weds.
T.24
2:17 ....Megan invited me to a party, I showed up like many of us do, a little nervous at the door, and thinking don't worry Z, the nervousness will be settled as soon as you have a beer. (laughter) well, there was people...but there was no beer. This floored me.....a year later, I went to another party... About midway through the evening I remembered my first visit to their apartment, and how confused I had been about how to behave around these people who didn't have their guards up or was no attitude, and people didn't have to hold up their drinks to shield themselves from each other.
A lot of people echoed Zelda's sentiments about hiding behind drinks.
Some really appreciated the absence of alcohol.
Everyone accepted it.
And everybody noticed it.
That includes the groom's mother Barb Citerman.
She says there's no denying that she's thinking about drinking.
T.32
3:50 ... there is something I am missing, the celebratory nature of having a glass of wine, there is something about food and drink that is very much a part of a party.
So she and her husband decided to set up an after hours hospitality suite...drinks included.
That's where she and her 15 or so friends were the night before.
And Citerman expects a repeat performance tonight.
T.32
3:04 DG: we've been at the party for four hours, how are you feeling...I feel great. I know in two hours hours, I will have an hour with my friends and we will have wine, beer and little bit of hard liquor.
Citerman wasn't the only one who had made provisions.
By the time she and her friends left for their suite, a number of others had slipped out to a dark corner of the yard.
Back there, marijuana smoke hung in the air, and pewter flasks made the rounds.
Many of the guests headed for bed around midnight.
Sfx: room sound
The next day, freshly showered and clear headed, people arrived for the wedding ceremony.
I saw Citerman walk across the yard.
T.5
1:22 (hey good morning, tell me how last night was) well, we went there, we drank a lot, people were drinking more than they usually do. One had a couple of Cosmopolitans another had a few Martinis. We polished off like another...realize there were 20-25 people, and it was celebratory, I don't know if there wasn't any liquor here. But I have a sense of that. It was like, I need a drink. That was the first thing upon entering the hospitality suite. Nobody got drunk. Lots of toasting, lots of talk about how perfect it was for Ty and Megan, and that it wouldn't have not made it alcohol free for them.
T.6
:54 (did you have a drink) oh yeah. I had a cosmopolitan and a glass of red wine. (did it taste better than it usually would) yeah. You want me to be totally honest. Yeah...
This wedding seemed to make people think about alcohol.
For Citerman and her friends drinking was just a natural part of enjoying each other.
Others openly wondered if alcohol is less indispensable than they originally thought.
But a lot of people remembered all those uncomfortable moments when alcohol consumption got out of hand.
Wedding guest Dawson.
T.12
2:06 I have some Canadian relatives and everybody gets smashed at weddings, and it's depressing. And I think weddings where everyone drinks some alcohol are fine, but ones where people don't drink are fine. (why depressing) quickly, after a few drinks it becomes obvious that people have alcoholic problems, they have never been diagnosed, no one can remember the wedding. They are in a stupor, it goes beyond jovial, into trouble. (into trouble) not necessarily fighting, people aren't themselves, you see the bad side of alcohol.
If the bride and groom wanted to flush out people's core feelings about alcohol, they succeeded.
For some like Zelda, alcohol is a shield people hide behind.
For Barb Citerman and her friends, it's the exact opposite.
A drink actually let's people put their guards down.
Which might help explain why drink has been a part of social get togethers for thousands of years. Among friends, you're willing to let your guard down.
Sfx: Rabbi
As long as people have been celebrating together, they've been dealing with both sides of alcohol.
There's nothing particularly communal about getting blind drunk. … As the Rabbi pointed out at the end of the service.
Rabbi tape ...
Then, as now, people have struggled to strike the right balance.
For NHPR news, I'm Dan Gorenstein.
Drinking is bad period. Why are more people drinking than ever ? why is underage drinking acceptable in some countries ?