Kelli Lamontagne can still see the flyer taped up in the prison dayroom.
St. Anselm College was offering inmates a course on Plato's 'The Republic.'
The class would meet weekly and be run by a St. A's philosophy professor.
What got Lamontagne's attention were the questions on the poster.
T.16
2:07... Do you even wonder when you do something, why you did it?' and I said, 'all the time...Constantly.' I remember laying in Valley St. Corrections facility for the first time, 'why am I here?' I knew what I did was wrong. Why did I do it?'....'Why did I do what I did? Why do I hurt the people I love the most?'. And it kept asking these questions to take the class.
Just asking those questions instantly transported Lamontagne back to March of this year- the moment she broke the law.
Her boyfriend had told her that the couple wouldn't be able to make rent.
But she says her boyfriend had a plan- Lamontagne could take eight thousand dollars from her employer and pay it back before anyone knew it was missing.
At the time, Lamontagne was out of prison on parole.
T.19
16:37....and all week I am thinking, no, no, no, I am not gdoing this. I know the ramifications, I am not doing this. Came to my work at 4 o'clock, looked into those eyes and thought, I don't want to be homeless, I don't want to disappoint him, and took the check and did it.
Lamontagne turned herself in to her parole officer about 72 hours later.
During her first stint, Lamontagne had vowed never, EVER to return to the Goffstown Women's Prison.
Now, staring at this philosophy class poster she had already served about five months of her 1 ½ - 5 year sentence.
T.21
9:09 .... I am a person who, not once, not twice, but three times, puts my hands in that burner....I am just done. I am tired. I am tired, and I don't want to do it anymore. And this paper seemed so appealing, the way it was elegantly written, I was just like, 'wow, I am going to learn answers in this class.'
St. Anselm Philosophy Professor Ed McGushin thinks 'The Republic' can be useful for female inmates.
The book asks what is justice and how do we attain it.
McGushin says, according to Plato, a 'just' person, must keep his appetite, reason and will in balance.
11:24 I was hoping they would come away with, first a some sense of Plato's view of the nature of the human soul....not that I wanted them to accept that as the final question of who are you...but they would walk away with a framework, and a starting point for self-examination.
McGushin wanted his students to begin asking themselves the same questions Plato asked.
ED
9:39 ... How we answer the question what does a good life look like? What does a good relationship look like? The way you answer that question is going ot determine the kind of relationship you have. Friendship or parenthood, Love.
Lamontagne says she had always wanted to go to college.
But the first 8 weeks of the 12 week course, she found herself intimidated...the professor, the 3 college students in the class, other inmates who seemed to know more than she.
At the same time, this business about keeping yourself in balance- just made sense.
T.22
:08 ... if you have too much appetite, and that greed in you, hello? That's what I had. I had no spirit at one point in my life. My life was not in balance.
T.13
3:43 suddenly in the fall, I looked at my notes and it said over and over again, 'she was very lively. She was very animated.'
That's Lamontagne's therapist Jo Ellen Lindh.
...at the time I didn't know she was taking the philosophy course. Eventually that came out. And what was most interesting is that what we were working on in therapy....questions like 'who am I?' and 'what was my responsibility? And 'what is my responsibility now?' and 'what choices did I have?' and 'what choices will I have in the future?' it dovetailed with a lot of the things she was talking about in her philosophy class.
Lindh says when she first met Lamontagne, she saw someone who was not very insightful about her problems.
Now, Lindh was hearing stories that showed that Lamontagne was, at the very least, trying to change.
Like the time Lamontagne was invited to stay up past curfew and finish watching something on TV.
T.2
:03 ... And everyone is like, 'oh we are going to go out there and watch the show.' I'm like, 'I don't care what y'all do, don't care, but I just don't want to be a part of it.' and they are like, 'c'mon Kelli come watch.'...they are thinking if I don't go with them, I am going to rat on them. And before I would have just done it with them, cause I don't want to cause conflict. I don't want them to think I am going to tell on them....and I just didn't. I said 'guys, go. I don't care,. I am just going to sit here and go to bed.' It's not for Kelli...I know it's not a big deal, just watching tv or whatever, but for me it was a ahuge deal, not following the crowd, for following what I thought was right....it was a huge think for me. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do it.
But to her therapist, Lamontagne was changing in more ways than one.
T.13
4:51 She started talking about society. She even suggested at one point there should be changes in the law about the way prisoners are handled so they could leave prison somewhat wiser, more responsible and more capable of making good decisions on the outside. What I saw emerging was someone with good leadership skills. Someone with the capacity to envision better things, not just for herself but society at large.
Professor McGushin says Lamontagne's thinking would have made Plato proud.
He says 'The Republic,' talks about the importance of a just society.
ED
12:20 I think it's important for them to understand personal responsibility. And personal development, but I also think they need to see the possibility for social and political growth. That someone can make a change in their environment.... recognizing the importance of building, strong, supportive, just communities.
Lamontagne says the class wasn't just Socrates or Plato for her.
It was as much about being exposed to new ways of thinking.
9:03....before coming to philosophy I always thought the answer was one thing. When you go into philosophy your question, you can have 10,000 answers to one question. I never thought that in my life...I have learned that you can answer with another question, and it broadens your whole life.
Lamontagne's friend, the Reverend Laurie Eldridge is happy to hear Lamontagne talk optimistically about the future.
T.10
:27 for K. to go and experience a class, and have success in it, be able to discuss things, on an intellectual basis, was huge for her. That really boosted her self-esteem. I know there have been exchanges with the professor, and that has been helpful for her, just building up that basic esteem that she needs. And one of the out growths of that is what happens after prison. What she does next. She is dreaming again. She is setting goals.
DISC 2
:03 I know I am capable of a lot. I know that I am capable of doing whatever I want to do. That there is good in everyone....I know that a lot of people think the word 'justice' relates to criminal law. I believe justice is that thing within our soul. And if you can lay down at night and feel good about yourself, you are a just person. If I didn't harm anyone today, if I didn't lie to anyone today, if I didn't lie to myself today, I am just.
This isn't the first time Lamontagne has felt good about her prospects after prison.
Will she keep asking herself those questions?
1:34 I would be scared to death if I didn't. If I keep it in the forefront everyday, I have a better chance of remembering.
For NHPR News, I'm DG.
