Portsmouth's Seedy Past

listen:

Gardner: MOST OF THE TIME, THE ATMOSPHERE OF A GUIDED TOUR IS CASUAL BUT EARNEST.

VISITORS HEAR ABOUT THE STATE’S HISTORY, ARCHITECTURE, AND IMPORTANT PEOPLE FROM SOBER, RESPECTFUL GUIDES.

ALL THAT GOES RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW ON PORTSMOUTH’S UNDERBELLY TOUR.

THIS RAUCOUS IMPROVISATIONAL STREET THEATRE (?) CELEBRATES THE CITY’S HISTORY – AND ITS SEEDY NOTORIETY - WITH GLEEFUL IRREVERANCE.
IT BEGINS, NATURALLY ENOUGH, IN A BAR…

:30 (Pope) Well, I’ve been a journalist for about 20
years…..

Gardner: LAURA POPE TRAINED AS AN ANTHROPOLOGIST AND WORKED FOR A WHILE AT PORTSMOUTH’S STRAWBERY BANKE MUSEUM.

SHE WROTE THE BASIC SCRIPT FOR THE UNDERBELLY TOUR.

Pope: …. you know in Portsmouth, it’s a pretty town, we hear all the glorious history, there’s a lot of it. But we tend not to hear about the four people who were executed in town, we don’t hear about sneaky politicians, we don’t hear that taverns were breeding grounds for spies, you know, we don’t get down with the real history, and so my, I sort of mentally collected all that history over the years…..

Gardner: AND SHE PUT TOGETHER A “TOUR” WITH ROUGHLY – VERY ROUGHLY – EQUAL DOSES OF LIVING HISTORY AND STAND-UP – OR PERHAPS WALK-AROUND – IMPROVISATIONAL COMEDY.

THEN POPE FOUND JUST THE MAN TO HELP HER PULL IT OFF.

8:14 (Hosker – in character) See, I play Silas Deane – I’ve been accused of being a spy, but they’re all liars…and I’ll tell you why but not till later. Until then I’ll try to steal your wife, or your husband if you’re lucky.

Gardner: THAT’S GEORGE HOSKER, LONGTIME ACTOR, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, AND GENERAL FACTOTUM OF PORTSMOUTH’S THRIVING THEATRE SCENE.

4:30 (Hosker) What’s great about the Tour is that all the facts are real, and all the flirting comes from the actors, so every single night is different because you never know who’s going to show up. Our facts are correct, our dates are correct, our history’s correct – what happens in between, however, is politically incorrect.

SFX: Tour patter, street sounds under following –

Gardner: MEANDERING ALONG SIDE STREETS AND IN AND OUT OF LITTLE VEST-POCKET PARKS, THE UNDERBELLY TOUR TAKES IN SOME OF PORTSMOUTH’S MOST PICTURESQUE CORNERS.

BUT IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR HISTORICAL OBJECTIVITY, YOU’VE FALLEN IN WITH THE WRONG CROWD.

Hosker (as Silas, TR 5): In this house…here lived a BASTARD! (SFX continues)

Gardner: HOSKER GOES ON, WITH INCREASING INDIGNATION, TO TELL THE STORY OF SHERIFF THOMAS PACKER

PACKER PRESIDED OVER THE 1768 EXECUTION OF A YOUNG WOMAN NAMED RUTH BLAY.

HER CRIME?

SHE ALLEGEDLY MURDERED HER OWN ILLEGITIMATE INFANT, LATER DISCOVERED TO HAVE BEEN STILLBORN.

HOSKER BECOMES ALMOST INCENSED AS HE INFORMS US THAT BLAY WAS ACTUALLY PARDONED BY NH’S COLONIAL GOVERNOR AT THE TIME.

BUT BLAY HANGED ANYWAY.

SHERIFF PACKER HAD MOVED UP THE HOUR OF HER EXECUTION IN ORDER TO GET HOME IN TIME FOR DINNER.

THE PARDON ARRIVED TOO LATE.

Hosker (As Silas): Well, the people of Portsmouth didn’t like that! So they came here to this house, and they BURNED HIM IN EFFIGY!

Marangelli: LET’S GO! PICK UP YOUR FEET!!!

Gardner: (over continuing SFX of tour) THE UNDERBELLY TOUR GENERALLY FEATURES TWO GUIDES, FULLY COSTUMED AND IN CHARACTER.

HOSKER’S PARTNER THIS TIME IS THE IRREPRESSIBLE MARIAN MARANGELLI.

SHE PLAYS MINERVA, THE TAVERN WENCH, A BUXOM, BAWDY BRAWLER WITH A JACKHAMMER DELIVERY.

MINERVA’S AN EQUAL- OPPORTUNITY ABUSER.

SHE'S MORE THAN WILLING TO SAVAGE THE CUSTOMERS, HER PARTNER, AND EVEN HER OWN MATERIAL…

Marangelli (yelling, as Minerva): This part’s really BORING!

Gardner: THE TOUR MOVES ON TO THE STRAWBERY BANKE TAVERN WHERE A COWARDLY TORY INNKEEPER THREW HIS AFRICAN SLAVE TO AN ANGRY MOB OF PATRIOTS;

TO THE HIDING PLACE OF CONVICTED AX-MURDERER LOUIS WAGNER;

AND DOWN TO THE OLD REDLIGHT DISTRICT ON MARCY STREET ACROSS THE WATER FROM THE NAVY YARD,

THERE WE GET A DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF PORTSMOUTH’S FAMOUS BROTHELS.

Hosker (As Silas): Now! On one side of the river, we have all these whorehouses, and on the other side, we have a bunch of seamen (haha…)……….sounds like a dangerous combination…..

SFX: Cross-fade from Hosker to bar sounds under following…

Gardner: BACK IN THE RUSTY HAMMER PUB, WHERE IT ALL BEGINS, WRITER LAURA POPE SAYS SHE WASN’T REALLY SURPRISED THAT THE UNDERBELLY TOUR’S INAUGURAL SEASON LAST SUMMER WAS SUCH A GREAT SUCCESS.

Pope: (1:55) What surprised me more was that locals and tourists loved it. Locals of a certain age remembered when Portsmouth had cracked sidewalks and a topless bar. They knew that there was another kind of history floating around that wasn’t heard very often. And the tourists just like having a great time, it’s very bawdy, it’s very funny…

Gardner: AND IT’S VERY POPULAR.

POPE SAYS THE TOUR WILL ADD MORE PERFORMANCES THIS SUMMER, AND A COUPLE OF ADDITIONAL GUIDE-CHARACTERS TO COMPLEMENT SILAS AND MINERVA.

CLEARLY, THE UNDERBELLY TOUR HAS BECOME SOMETHING OF A HIT IN PORTSMOUTH.

BUT ASIDE FROM THE HISTORY, THE BAD PUNS, AND THE BELLY-LAUGHS, THE TOUR IS ALSO A SLY COMMENT ON WHAT THE CITY HAS BECOME.

LAURA POPE:

Pope: (Track 2, :26) I’d say personally that Portsmouth is devoid of an underbelly, it’s homogenized, it’s gentrified, it’s expensive. There’s a boutique and pot pourri on every corner. I’m sure there’s a seedy side to every place, but I just think it’s really funny that on most tours you just hear this glorified pablum a lot, and you don’t hear about the naughty bits…and I’m the kind of person that likes to pull the curtain back and hear about the blue collar people, the regular people…

Gardner: THE UNDERBELLY TOUR DEPARTS FROM PORTSMOUTH’S RUSTY HAMMER PUB THURSDAYS THROUGH MONDAYS AT 6PM.

THEY PUT ON A SATURDAY MATINEE AT 2.

BRING YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME…..

FOR NHPR NEWS, I’M KEVIN GARDNER.

SFX: (Hosker as Silas, fading)….”And in this house lived……one of Portsmouth’s most prominent Madams….on the first floor was the parlor, where she conducted interviews with every gentleman who came to visit her girls…., etc., etc…..”)